Smoked beer (bacon beer)

When I was at the Great American Beer Festival this year, I only came across one smoked beer. There may have been other smoked beers, but it’s easy to get lost among the thousands of other beers. The funny thing was, the server did not want to pour the beer for me. He said the beer tasted like an ashtray. I already knew what I was in for and requested a pour.

Actually I thought the beer tasted much more like bacon than ash. The beer was a smoked Märzen, similar to the Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Märzen from the 500-year-old brewery in Bamberg, Bavaria, Germany. It’s made with Rauchmalt (smoked malt). If you haven’t tried this beer, it has a VERY smokey flavor and will remind you of bacon. People either love this beer, or they hate it. I haven’t met anyone who didn’t have a strong opinion of this beer.

Lambic

Lindemans Framboise goes great with turkey

Lambic really isn’t that unusual until you’ve seen it ferment. Normally you would ferment a beer with yeast, but lambics also include any random bacteria that happens to be floating by. The bacteria creates some very ugly and scary looking fermentations. The resulting beer is sour and often is accentuated with tart fruits like raspberries or cherries. Many people have tried Lindemans Lambic, which I think tastes like liquid sweet tarts, but other lambics have a more unique flavor (sometimes good, sometimes not so much).

Fish Beer

Drink like a fish, not drink a drink that tastes like a fish!

This is as horrifying as it sounds. Usually when I’m thinking of interesting ingredients to add to beer, fish is not the first ingredient to come to mind. I’m not sure it’s on my list of top 100 ingredients to add to beer. Tosa Kuroshio Karyudo Beer, located in Konan City in Japan’s Kochi Prefecture, created a beer only the Japanese could love.

The fish beer is a 5% ABV beverage created with rice flour and hops in a 4 to 1 ratio. The brewers then added dashi, a fish stock also used in miso soup. I’m not sure if they decided to create this beer after drinking too many normal beers, or as a challenge from Iron Chef Brewer Edition. The dashi is made from dried konbu seaweed and dried Bonito, a fish similar to tuna. So if you like the aftertaste of fish in your beer, this beers for you!

Beer for kids!

It's a beer for kids. It's not alcoholic, but it still would never fly in the USA

The Japanese will remarket just about anything for kids. In a move which would shock the alcohol control boards in most countries, Japan’s Sangaria Beverage Company introduced a beer for kids. It’s not alcoholic, but the beer was designed so children could join in the fun while their parents were getting hammered. Sangaria has a whole line of the fake alcoholic beverages sold individually or in 6-packs, and marketed for children. Some of the “near beers” are golden in color while others are dark brown, and both produce a nice head of foam.

Blue beer

I’ve seen green beer served at St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, but that beer is usually some light beer like Budweiser with green food coloring added. This beer (again created by the Japanese) starts out blue. They also have a lime green and bright red beer. These beers are brought to you by the Abashiri microbrewery located Japan’s northernmost island of Hokkaido. They are also the came company which brought you great beers like Scallop Beer and Bilk.

Bilk

Speaking of Bilk , this beer might turn your stomach a bit. I think when Abashiri thought of this beer the conversation went something like this:

“We need more women buying our beer. What do women like drinking?”

“My wife drinks a lot of milk.”

“Lets make a beer that tastes like milk!”

“What do we call it?”

“BILK!”

And after the conversation bilk was born. Bilk is a beverage one-third milk and two-thirds beer. The idea actually was suggested by a liquor store manager who sought to use large surpluses of milk from a local dairy. The drink is reported to have a sweet flavor, probably from the lactose in the milk which brewer’s yeast cannot ferment.

Extra calories from beer may increase your bust size, but the hops in beer will not (image from Tawny Rockerazzi on flickr.com)

Boza for boobies!

There’s a rumor going around that beer will increase the bust size of women. One beer called Boza beer from Bulgaria claimed to be the best beer at turning “sweater kittens” into “watermelon-sized cats”. There is no science behind the claim, but it didn’t stop European men making the drive to Bulgaria for the breast-enhancing beer. I guess they figured, “just in case”.

Pizza Beer

Someone orders a few too many beers at a pizza joint, and the next thing you know someone at the Pizza Beer Company is throwing pizza into the beer.  Mamma Mia! Pizza Beer includes oregano, basil, tomato and garlic as adjuncts in the beer.  The reviews seem to be quite mixed for this beer, ranging from “very pizza-like” to “pizza flavored Pringles”.  I’d love to hear what others think of this beer.

“The Thing” beer

You’ve probably heard of aging beer.  How about making beer from old yeast – really old yeast?    The Fossil Fuels Brewing Company, having never seen a sci-fi movie about reviving ancient micro-organisms, harvested yeast from inside a Lebanese weevil covered in ancient Burmese amber which lay dormant for up to 45 million years.  That is some very old yeast!  Tasters say the beer is actually good, and has a very spicy aftertaste.

Cock Ale

I once made a clone beer of Old Speckled Hen and called it Old Freckled Cock.  Luckily this beer isn’t what it sounds like.  Not that cock.  Cock Ale is made with chicken.  It starts out sounding innocent, adding hops, malt and sugar.  Then you take a third of a well-crushed chicken, presumably the meat parts, and add it to your fermenting beer on the second day.  The recipe does specify the chicken should be cooked.  I can’t imagine this tastes anything other than fowl.

OPB – Original Pussy Beer

This beer is what it sounds like.  Put enough drunk guys together, they will eventually try to merge their two favorite things.  Scary thing is it was a girl’s idea!  A Seattle woman donated a small amount of her own yeast for the fermentation of the beer.  Her site claims ancient Sumerian beers made by women inspired her to add her crotch yeast, but her added yeast isn’t even the same family let alone the same genus or species as beer yeast.  A completely different yeast is used for beer and bread.  It is likely her yeast was quickly out-competed by the brewer’s yeast.  I don’t think her yeast would give it that ‘tang-y taste you’re expecting.  Still it’s very odd someone would even consider this.  Is this a beer you’d want to try?

© 2010, fermentarium. All rights reserved. Please see the fair use guidelines for republication.

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Women are often looking for a way to increase the size of their breasts without resorting to painful surgery.  One of the crazier ideas I’ve heard recently to reach this goal is “drink beer”.  My first thought was to toss this one immediately into the beer myth category and forget about it, but being a man I figured it would be a good idea to do more research first.

The Bulgarian Boob Beer

Hope as you might, Boza beer will not help increase your bust size (image from fortes on flickr.com)

When Bulgaria entered into the European Union (EU), men from all over Europe flocked to Bulgaria to buy Boza Beer.  One reason might be Bulgaria’s entrance into the EU which removed taxes and duties on the beer, making the beer cheaper.  The real reason is Boza Beer claims to naturally enhance the size of women’s breasts, and European men were more than willing to make the drive to help their ladies out.

Boza is a low alcohol wheat beer (calling it a beer is questionable).  It’s made with fermented wheat and is around 1% ABV.  There are four vitamins (A, B and E) and about 1000 calories per liter.  No one really knows which ingredient in the beer increases the breast size.  There are no studies which actually show any increase in breast sizes from drinking Boza Beer.  It’s all word of mammary at this point.

Why would you think beer increased breast size?

The reason behind the myth isn’t as crazy as it first sounds.  Beer contains small amounts of phytoestrogens, a naturally occurring plant compound similar to estrogen.  Hops are sometimes the ingredient in natural supplements sold to increase cup sizes.  Since beer contains hops, the hope is the phytoestrogens in hops are passed on to the beer and then to the breasts.

The specific phytoestrogen believed to be responsible for this breast enhancement is called 8-prenylnaringenin, but there are no studies linking 8-prenylnaringenin to bigger boobs.  The only study which comes close is an 1999 study which reported anecdotally “menstrual disruption” in female hop workers (Milligan, Kalita, Heyerick, et al., 1999).  That is not even in the same zip code as boobs.  Other studies attempting to link estrogenic effects with 8-prenylnaringenin are either seriously flawed or inconclusive.

Extra calories from beer may increase your bust size, but the hops in beer will not (image from Tawny Rockerazzi on flickr.com)

If that wasn’t enough to write off beer as a breast enhancement method, most beers do not contain 8-prenylnaringenin in detectable quantities.  The highest concentration found was 19.8 μg/L (Tekel, Keukeleire, Rong, Daeseleire, and Van Peteghem, 1999).  At best only about 10% to 20% of the 8-prenylnaringenin in hops makes it to your beer.  Of course different beer styles and production methods can influence these numbers greatly.  I’m not sure the study included a super hopped IPA.  Regardless of how much makes it to the beer, the science doesn’t pan out.

Weight increase makes bigger breasts

Boobs are mostly fat.  One way to get bigger breasts is to get fatter.  Even in this case, beer would not be a good quick solution.  Most beers are around 110-140 calories, so you’d need to drink a significant amount for any immediate results (maybe 10+ to gain an extra 1000+ calories per day).  The health problems you would encounter would not make it worth the effort.  This, however, might be why Boza is touted as a breast enhancer.  Drinking one liter of Boza per day will not get you buzzed, but it will add 1000 calories to your diet.

The other possible path to larger mammaries was noted on a homebrew warning label I once saw: over-consumption of beer can lead to unintended pregnancy.  Pregnancy can cause breasts to swell, so in this case beer might lead to bigger boobs.  Your mileage may vary.

© 2009 – 2010, fermentarium. All rights reserved. Please see the fair use guidelines for republication.

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Legal Weed Beer

If you haven’t heard, Vaune Dillmann, owner of Mt. Shasta Brewing Co. in Weed, California ran into an issue with his bottlecaps.  The bottlecaps are offending the U.S. Treasury Department’s Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB) with the statement “Try Legal Weed”.  Most everyone else thinks the bottlecaps are funny.  Dillmann says it’s a joke based on the name of his home town.  The TTB states Dillmann crossed the line. The government contends the bottlecaps are a drug reference. Well duh!  So what?  It’s funny.

Is there anyone who is confusing this beer with weed? (image from Legal Weed)

The government claims the bottlecap’s drug reference is misleading to the consumer as to what is contained within the bottle.  Apparently there are tons of people out there who will think the beer might contain pot and make them high.  Sounds silly, but I’ve had people tell me that Coca Cola contains trace amounts of cocaine (it hasn’t contained cocaine since 1929).  So why doesn’t Coca Cola need to change their name?  Lucky for Coca Cola, the TTB and state alcohol agencies do not regulate soda.

The real question is why does the government care about this?

Thou Shalt Not

The TTB regulates what you can put on a label.  Some of the regulations make sense.  You can’t say your beer or wine cures cancer unless you can back it.  These aren’t vitamins or health supplements after all.

Here is the list of restrictions for a beer or wine label.

1)    Any false, ambiguous, or missing statements which can mislead the consumer.
2)    Any statements disparaging a competitor’s product.
3)    Any statement, design, device, or representation which is obscene or indecent.
4)    Any statement, design, device, or representation of or relating to analyses, standards, or tests, irrespective of falsity, which the appropriate TTB officer finds to be likely to mislead the consumer.
5)    Any statement, design, device or representation of or relating to any guarantee, irrespective of falsity, which the appropriate TTB officer finds to be likely to mislead the consumer.
6)    Any pictures or statements that led the consumer to believe the person (in the picture or endorsement) endorses or produces the product.
7)    Any statement (other than a statement of alcohol content) that leads you to believe the beverage is intoxicating.

Number seven is my personal favorite.  You can put on the side of the bottle, “don’t drink this and operate machinery while intoxicated”, but you can’t say “this will get you drunk”.  Seriously.

The real heart of the issue is number three.  You can’t put something indecent on the label.  Unfortunately it is some guy in the government who gets to decide what’s considered obscene.  He might be cool or he might be the most uptight person in the world.  There is no way for the brewer to know.  You might consider something obscene, but others may find the label acceptable.  For example, is profanity considered obscene?

In 2001, the State of Colorado said yes it is.  Flying Dog Brewery’s Road Dog Ale label was rejected because the label said “good beer… no shit”.  The ACLU and Flying Dog Brewery sued stating the State of Colorado violated their First Amendment rights.  Colorado agreed to discontinue the label restrictions, however it is ultimately a state right.  Kansas can have completely different rules and restrictions.

Bad Frog beer was banned in several states because the frog on the label was holding up its middle finger.  This means in some states the middle finger is considered offensive. Ironically the issue went to the courts in New York, a state where the middle finger salute is almost a salutation. The courts ultimately decided in favor of the frog and it’s middle digit “free speech”.

Free Speech for beer

If you are for free speech, then anything should be allowed.  Free speech not only protects what you want to say, it also protects the speech you don’t like.  You can’t state some speech is acceptable, while other expressions are not.

Of course not all speech is protected.  As we stated earlier, you cannot make ridiculous claims on the bottle.  You cannot mislead the consumer.  This is the purpose of the regulations.  The claim “Legal Weed” might mislead a consumer into believing marijuana is contained in the beer is a stretch.  There is a fine line between what should be regulated and what should not be regulated.  Where do you draw the line?

Some labels are rejected because they contain nudity.  These rejected labels were not Penthouse pictures of some hippie chick showing off her muffin.  They were tasteful nude pictures, something you might see in an art gallery.  Should the government prevent nudity on beer and wine labels, a beverage which is inherently “adult”?

Is this painting art? Is it ok for a wine label?

Won’t someone please think of the children?!

The most common and valid question is, would you want your child to see the label?  Sure a child should not be inside a liquor store, but how about a grocery store?  If you are lucky enough to live in a state where they sell alcohol in grocery stores, selling labels with nudity could be offensive.  We can’t expect grocery stores to place roped off areas like the porn section of a video rental establishment.

Santa’s Butt Porter

The question of children has come up before.  Maine’s Bureau of Liquor Enforcement denied a label application from Shelton Brothers of Belchertown because the image contained an “undignified or improper” illustration.  The “undignified or improper” illustration is Santa’s butt.  The butt is fully clothed and there is no butt crack showing.  It is just a drawing of Santa from behind.

Santa's Butt Porter is a cartoon character, so the government tried to block use of the label

The drawing wasn’t really offensive.  The concern was children would see their beloved Santa on a beer and think the beverage was for them.  It’s a cartoon character selling alcohol.  Is that ok?

The Maine Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit on behalf of the Belchertown, Massachusetts company in U.S. District Court in Portland accusing the Maine Bureau of Liquor Enforcement of censorship.  Maine reversed the decision on the Santa’s Butt label and two other labels (which displayed women’s breasts), but they did not change their regulations.  The lawsuit will need to continue to decide if the labels are protected under the First Amendment.

Solutions

In most cases, after long lawsuits the breweries and wineries are ultimately winning.  It is difficult to support censorship in the United States.  You can only censor until the issue eventually goes to the courts.  Is this something we really want our government to spend our tax money on?  These issues in the court are rather expensive.  Doesn’t the government have more pressing issues like education or health care?

The government should not concern itself with the picture on the label or any statements, unless the contents of the label truly are misleading.  We don’t want alcohol to become the next homeopathy.  False advertising needs to be illegal.

Personally I think the free market should decide.  If you decide to put the latest Hustler Honey on your label, most supermarkets will not carry it.  You’ll have troubles marketing your beer or wine.  Eventually you will need to change your label.  The problem solves itself, and the government does not need to be involved.   The best part about letting the market decide, sales will determine if the label is offensive.

© 2008 – 2010, fermentarium. All rights reserved. Please see the fair use guidelines for republication.

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We’d say “what were they thinking”, but we know.

If you want men to stop staring at your chest, filling it with beer or wine may not be the best idea.  This has to be one of the most unique methods to sneak a beer or wine into a dry event.  However, you will get some interesting looks when you go for a sip.

Nice "wine" rack. Are they sure no one will notice you going from a D cup to an A cup?

The “wine rack” is a sports bra with “a special hooter-enhancing polyurethane bladder” to hold your favorite beverage.  The booze-bra holds 25 ounces of liquid and comes with a straw that allows you to sneak a sip.  The 25 ounces will increase your bust by 2 cup sizes.  Of course, like Cinderella, the fantasy will be over by midnight and you’ll be back to an empty A cup.

The bladders keep your wine a secret in a safe place

This might be a great gimmick for the “shot girl” at your local club.  This might also be quite the bonus at Mardi Gras.  We are sure that a girl sporting this bra will get all the beads she wants.  We would just like to see the booze bra in action.  Guys will have to wait till Halloween before they can wear it without too much attention.

The bra is intended as a device to sneak drinks into no alcohol parties or places where the drink price is just too high.  You can sneak in your favorite drink, and sip away all night.  The site claims that you’ll pay for the bra in one evening.  Of course, if it really gives you two additional cup sizes you won’t be buying your own drinks.

(Source: FireBox)

© 2008 – 2010, fermentarium. All rights reserved. Please see the fair use guidelines for republication.

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