Why don’t they ever steal Fat Tire?

Francis E. Dougherty, 45, is yet another thief with questionable taste.  He walked into a store, and walked out with a 4 pack of  Milwaukee’s Best (known as The Beast through college, although one doubts Mr. Dougherty’s liking of it comes from higher education) tucked under his jacket.  Mr. Dougherty, apparently not aware that this was insufficiently sneaky, will never be known for his stealth.  The clerk saw him and called the cops.

If I was going to steal beer, I'd at least make it somewhat worth the effort.

At this point you are probably wondering what’s the big deal?  He’s just another beer thief in Florida.  Well Mr. Dougherty went home, drank his purloined beer, and returned to the same store for more beer.  Apparently the beer was so good, this time he tried to buy it — another four pack of Milwaukee’s Best.

Then for some bizarre reason he noticed that the clerk was on the phone with the police department, so he inexplicably left his address and headed  home with more beer.  Weird, huh?  He was later arrested for stealing  the first four pack.  What was the total value of goods stolen?  A grand total of $2.49, proving once again that beer thieves have zero taste in beer.